I couldn't sleep tonight, so why not blog?

Have you ever watched "So You Think You Can Dance" ? I LOVE it. There is something about the way so many of those contestants dance, combined with the right music, that is so moving and inspiring. I can't dance...at all. I can't sing. And I would give anything to play beautiful music on the piano, violin, or guitar. Those things just touch my heart, and I am so glad there are others out there who are willing to share their talent with people like me who just don't got it!

What I love about life is the realization that there is so much beauty in this world, so much goodness, so much that inspires and uplifts and propels people to be better. All we have to do is find it, hold onto it, and try not to let it go when all the negativity of this world comes crashing down around us.

There are so many things that bring me down. Often, I let them. Mostly, I try so hard to not let the difficult things of life take the joy, light, and beauty away from my life. That's why I love dance shows, singing shows, good music on the radio, beautiful art, reading words that make me laugh, cry, sigh, ponder, smile, and even kick myself for being so, well...less than what I know I can be. I love the morning sunlight shining through the windows, warming my feet while I eat a big bowl of cereal. I love to listen to the wind rustling the leaves on trees, birds chirping, and there is even something pleasant about the distant rumble of a lawn mower on a hot summer day. I love the smell of rain, crunchy granola, clean sheets, and the feel of sand running through my fingers. I love it when I smile at someone in the store and they actually smile back! I Love walking through rows and rows of fabric, ribbons and buttons. I love taking a few plain sheets of felt and turning them into something cute and crafty. And isn't there something magical about bookstores? Barnes & Noble....yes please!

Over the past year, I have struggled with lots of different kinds of frustrations...the kinds that every person deals with because of life and its imperfectness. I can stop any man or woman on the street and most likely they will have struggled with frustrations similar to my own....feeling misunderstood, judged unfairly, underappreciated, degraded, overlooked or ignored. As a part of life, we will at times feel hurt and alone... feel despair, grief, anguish...

We must know sorrow so that we can know true happiness. Our frustrations are caused by our own actions, attitudes, words, faults and imperfections. Often they come from outside sources. No one wants to feel down because of the hard things in life, and no one should act in a way to bring others down. Negativity because of trials never did anyone any good. I think we've all learned that lesson a time or two!

Focus on the beauty of life! And then shake off all the other stuff. Sometimes easier said than done.

But each day we should make a good effort.

We are so much more capable than we often give ourselves credit for. Don't seek revenge or be spiteful. Don't hold grudges. Resist the urge to tarnish another's character or spread idle gossip. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don't assume you know a person's intentions, feelings, reasons behind actions, or where they are coming from. Most often we don't know, most often we don't take the time to know or try and understand before we make up our minds about how things are. Everyone is fighting a battle, and every one of us needs a helping hand. Everyone wants to have a larger portion of the goodness, joy, light, and beauty of life, right? Each of us has the choice to be a help or hinderment there.

I am sorry for all the times I didn't make the better choice. There are burdens I have to carry everyday, regrets I have, moments in the past I wish I could re-do... there are words that can't be taken back. Often it may seem like no amount of apologizing will ever repair whatever damage we might have caused. The most we can do is press forward and do our best and remember to stay true to ourselves. I can learn from my past and become a better person. I know my parents, especially my dad, have felt the sorrow of past actions, and wondered if I would ever forgive them. I cannot even imagine the inner turmoil my dad lived with and might still live with because of those times he did not make good choices. As I have grown older, I can better relate with him and what he experienced, and I have so much more respect for him.

During the April General Conference, there was a talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that hit me with powerful force. It brought to my remembrance the times when I made poor choices. It isn't easy to admit our own wrongdoings. But I can learn so much more from my own mistakes if I just focus on me and where I went wrong instead of justifying my own actions and placing the greater blame upon someone else. I refer to this talk often, I love it, and I am trying so hard to become a better person because of it. (you know, since I was such a terrible person before!) Here is the link if you are interested:

"The Merciful Obtain Mercy"

I don't have much to do with my mom because of the past. Certain hurts run deep. But I owe her a chance. I struggle with trusting her. Because of the tramatic experiences I had as a child, it can be hard to trust someone once that trust has been broken time after time after time. As I grew into adulthood, my mom and I still faced a lot of challenges, especially after my brother lived with us. It has been hard to overcome everything. But I am sorry for the anger, resentment, bitterness, and lack of mercy I showed her. It has taken me a long time to forgive her. I am taking baby steps, very tiny baby steps towards the hope that things can be better between us.

We all face trials and frustrations. That's life. It's hard. But that is not where our focus should be. The Savior said, "I am the bread and the life: He that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst." (John 6:35) Our focus should be on our Savior, in doing good, thinking good, speaking good, and seeking goodness.

President James E. Faust said, "The Lord has a great work for each of us to do. You may wonder how this can be. You may feel that there is nothing special or superior about you or your ability...

The Lord can do remarkable miracles with a person of ordinary ability who is humble, faithful, and diligent in serving the Lord and seeks to improve himself. This is because God is the ultimate source of power."

I am so grateful for these little ones that Heavenly Father has entrusted to me to care for. They are my greatest blessings, and no matter how frustrated, angry, or sad I might be because of life, at the end of the day they are what matters most. I am so glad I get to experience all the things I love and share it all with my children.

29 weeks

 So...here I am at 29 weeks...yeah, I don't think I am going to be wearing that shirt again...

Miraculously...those are NOT maternity jeans! I had to ditch the belt, but first time ever I could wear normal jeans past my 4th or 5th month of pregnancy! I deserve to "woot, woot" about something since people are already telling me I look HUGE, I am having twins, and look ready to POP!

Thank you. Such comments are so greatly appreciated and help  me sleep better at night...no....really.

Hey...at least my kids still love me unconditionally....well...hmmmm.....okay, yeah...I am gonna stick with that comment...

That's my baby! sniff....

Next summer Kya will be up there with those monkeys and another blue-eyed cutie toddling around on the trampoline tormenting the older ones! Good times people, good times.

A little update about this pregnancy:

I feel pretty good, though picking up things off the floor is getting to be quite the task. I pee at least once every hour. And I still crave crunchy peanut butter. Sleep is good until my left side goes numb, and then it's the right side, and somehow I manage to wake up with my hips all twisted to the side and I am on my back! I cannot control the drooling problem...seriously...it is getting out of hand! And I am exhausted by 9pm. I fall asleep ALL the time before I can finish my nightly prayers. At this point of my pregnancy, I have major issues with finding something suitable to wear that is actually comfortable and fits and I would personally prefer to just walk around in my underwear! I can still manage to shave my legs and paint my toes. It has just recently been confirmed that I have a type of prolapse...yay....if you don't know what that is, google it, cuz I really don't feel the need to explain via public blogging. My case isn't serious and it doesn't affect my daily life, so we just have to see what happens after this baby is born! I think my body is telling me it is done. Got the memo, thank you very much! My body could have chosen a different method of telling me, but, whatever...it's not like I have any control at this point! The drool all over my pillow kinda gave that one away! Anyhow, I have truly enjoyed this pregnancy and I will really be sad when it is all over. I LOVE feeling the baby flip flop all around, poking and jabbing and kicking vital body organs. And I am totally not being sarcastic about that...except maybe about the vital organs! My favorite is when he gets the hiccups! And I love it when the kids talk to him and especially when Kya gives my belly kisses and tells the baby to "get out!" Until then, we have plans to do our best about enjoying this summer cuz when this baby comes...well...if you've had multiple children, you know where my mind is going!!! Can't wait to meet this little guy!

Kya Lyn...not a baby anymore!

This little Miss is 19 months old and she is turning out to be quite the little gal! Any family member would definitely agree with us when we say she is our busiest toddler we have had so far. She started talking at 9 months old and hasn't slowed down. At 18 months old, she will repeat anything we say, and has started stringing 2-3 words together, sometimes more. One phrase she learned from her mother, father, and siblings is "Dang it!" It is pretty funny. Some other cute phrases/words she says are: "Excuse me" when she is trying to squeeze thru a tight spot, and she says it whenever someone toots or burps. She can make herself toot on demand, which she is quite proud of, and she mimics burping too...always followed by a polite "Ssscuze me!" She pronounces loudly during church "AMEN!" after songs and prayers, and is very vocal about wanting the bread and water during the sacrament, always saying afterwards, "More! More!" She also sings "shake your booty" while attempting to shake her bum, and that is hilarious! She says and does so many funny and cute things it is hard to post them all!

When she gets scared, she touches her stomach and tells me "scared, tummy, scared" and is always begging to play in the "dackdard" (backyard) so she can "dig darden" (dig in the garden) where she literally covers herself in dirt. Somedays, she goes through 2-3 outfits because she gets so dirty.

She also loves to swing, and can now swing all by herself in the big kid swings. She loves to "dump on dampoleen" and slide, pick flowers, and point out any sounds she hears and tells me what they are, the list is usually a "doddie barking", "Bird flyin sky", "airplane", motorcycle or lawnmower, which she says in such a cute way, and she loves it when she spots a "budderfly, yadybug or bumbabee"!

We have gone to McKee's Pet Store a couple times now, and they have a "petting zoo" in the back where kids can go and see goats, sheep, chickens and roosters, a reindeer, an emu, mini horses, and pigs. Ever since we went, she talks about the "aminals" at the "pet tore"! Her first time there, she was right up close to a goat, her face only inches from it, when it let out a loud and surprising "Baaaaaaaaa!" It scared her half to death! She didn't cry, but she kept her distance after that! The next time, she was actually brave enough to pet them through the fence.

Kya makes to funniest faces, this picture just makes me laugh....I LOVE it! She has been teething since before Halloween last year, so we've had some fun times with that. She has been getting her molars and canines over the past 2-3 months and we will all be glad when they are all in! I was still able to wean her off the bottle between 15-16 months old, and it was actually really easy. Kya can also drink from a regular cup and she LOVES to drink from mine at dinner!

 Another favorite activity is pulling her stool, a chair, baby stroller...pretty much anything she can stand on, up to the bathroom sink and turning on the water and sucking on her toothbrush...or any toothbrush for that matter! She loves the taste of toothpaste too....I know....wierd.

Kya can throw quite the tantrums, and they are often very dramatic. One afternoon she got upset...I still don't know the reason why...and threw herself upon the floor, face first, and cried! It was hilarious! I have found that the best thing to do when she is having such fits is to just ignore them. She carries on much longer if I give her more attention.

She loves to wrestle with Carter and she definitely plays rough!

Another funny face that makes me laugh!

Tickles. Gotta love em! She is very demanding when it comes to tickles. She will come up to me or Russ, lay down and demand "TICKLES!"

She can makes major messes! This is just one of them out of MANY! Anything that has a lid she can pry off, she will explore the contents inside and they eventually find their way on the floor! So frustrating sometimes!

Kya loves to be read to and is also very demanding about it. She will find a book that interests her, find me, slap the book in my lap and say, "Read it!!!!" If I delay in any way, or heaven forbid she has to wait, more than likely she will break out in major tears and protest by rolling around and kicking her feet! The fits don't bother me since she is the third child....we are getting quite used to them by now!

Kya LOVES Carter. They play really well together and Carter is so good about spending time with her. Kya loves to rough house and Carter handles it much better than Anna does, though Kya still manages to pick on the older kids and get them all upset more than the older ones ever get the chance to do it to her! We have had to start putting Kya in "time-out" now because sometimes when she is grumpy or mad about something, she will just take it out on the person nearest to her, hitting or pinching or pushing. Surprisingly, she stays in the corner, and when her time is up I talk to her about being nice and then she gives hugs, kisses, and says sorry to the person she hurt.

The only thing she will watch on tv is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I am glad she isn't too interested in television anyways. It can be a good distraction, but the older my kids get, the more strongly I feel about less tv and video/computer games and more of all the other kinds of things kids need to be doing.

We have started potty training, and that is going really well. I am not pushing it too much, since she is still pretty little, and just taking it easy. When she wants to go she will tell me, and she is to the point now where she is learning to control those muscles enough that when she sits on the potty she usually will go pee. If she goes pee, then she gets a little square from a Hershey chocolate bar, and she really likes that. I think that pretty soon she will be to a point where I can start taking her at more regular, consistent times during the day, and once she starts staying consistently dry, we will move on to pull-ups/underwear! I usually dread potty-training, but with Kya it has actually been really stress-free and seems easier.

Along with Kya learning to be more of a "big girl" we put away the crib and she is sleeping in the bottom bunk bed in her room. We bought a railing for the side so she doesn't roll off, and she has done really well transitioning. There was one night she kept crying and getting out of bed for about 2 hours, but other than that, she has done awesome! Some nights, after we put her in bed, she goes right ot sleep, and other nights she will get out of bed and cry a little by the door, but all we have to do is have her climb back in bed, say goodnight, shut the door and she goes to sleep. She gets out of bed at the most 3 times, and it is happening less and less. When she was in the crib, she was waking up during the night, but since she has been in the bed, she is starting to sleep all night long! Thankgoodness!

We absolutely LOVE this little girl to pieces and I could never be able to write in words all about her fun and cute personality. She brings so much to our family, and even though some might have thought we were crazy to have a third child, we are glad we did! (Now people are thinking we are crazy having a fourth! haha! Raising kids is hard, but there's more blessings than hardships, depending on your attitude and perspective, right?)

It has taken me about 3 weeks to write this post and finally get it on my blog, life is busy and when it's not busy, I am just too tired! I have so many other pictures I want to post and so many more things to share, so hopefully I can get it all done before baby Brennen comes in 8-10 weeks! woo hoo!