"Now, brethren and sisters, let us return to our homes with resolution in our hearts to do a little better than we have done in the past. We can all be a little kinder, a little more generous, a little more thoughtful of one another. We can be a little more tolerant and friendly to those not of our faith, going out of our way to show our respect for them. We cannot afford to be arrogant or self-righteous. It is our obligation to reach out in helpfulness, not only to our own but to all others as well. Their interest in and respect for this Church will increase as we do so.
Let us continually work to strengthen our families. Let husbands and wives cultivate a spirit of absolute loyalty one to another. Let us not take one another for granted, but let us constantly work to nurture a spirit of love and respect for each other. We must guard against faultfinding, anger, and disrespect one for another.
Parents, safeguard your families. Bring up your children in light and truth as the Lord has commanded. Shower them with love, but do not spoil them. Share your testimony with them. Read the scriptures together. Guide and protect them. You have no greater blessing and no greater responsibility than those whom the Lord has placed in your care. Pray together. There is no substitute for family prayer when all kneel together before the Lord.
Let us be a people of honesty and integrity, doing the right thing at all times and in all circumstances.
Great are our blessings. Tremendous is our responsibility. Let us get on our knees and plead with the Lord for direction. Then let us stand on our feet, square up our shoulders, and march forward without fear to enlarge among people everywhere the righteousness of the Lord."
President Gordon B. Hinckley (April General Conference 1999 )
The past few weeks have been difficult. I have been upon my knees, and when I couldn't find the strength to kneel...well...I have been pleading with the Lord to give me direction and understanding. I must admit, many times I wondered if I was just talking to myself...in those darkest hours it is easy to feel very, very alone. Last night, after spending a week without Russ and Anna (they have been in Pocatello helping grandma and grandpa) and spending my days with Bubba, and quiet evenings with Ben, not really knowing what to do or say, as I finally went to bed with a new onslaught of emotions reeling through my mind....all I could ask out loud was, "Why?"
Why me...why this...why now?
Why did we go through all that we did almost a year ago to bring Ben into our home?
Why did we struggle month to month trying to do what we felt was best?
Why did we have to face obstacle after obstacle dealing with difficulties and differing opinions from family?
Why did we sacrifice...why did we stumble...why did we have to fall?
...and when we felt that some changes needed to take place, we felt that our time being Ben's guardians was over...why did we have to go through such a difficult time figuring out what we were supposed to do next? But we prayed and fasted....we went to the temple and prayed some more...we offered up our prayers constantly to a Father in Heaven who we knew could guide us.
And with some turn of events last weekend as we took Ben to visit family and his mother, we knew, finally what we had to do. We have witnessed family go through a change of heart and gain a new level of understanding, and have stepped in to help. We gave Ben the choice to choose what he felt was best for him, and he made his choice. I feel good about it, and I know we must press forward. Ben will be leaving us to go and live with his grandparents. This past year has been difficult for him being away from his family. Russ's family has surrounded him with love and kindness....acceptance....friendship....but even as wonderful as it was, it didn't fill the void Ben was feeling being away from HIS real family.
There will always be the "unknown" that we cannot control. Ben has lived through much in his young life, but I know that Heavenly Father is aware of him and is watching out for him, and it is time for me to put Ben's life into His hands. Many have fears about what will happen, but I am choosing to replace fear with hope and faith. In life, there are no easy answers, there are no guarantees, but there is always hope.
" 42 Wherefore, if a man have
afaith he
bmust needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.
43 And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be
ameek, and lowly of heart.
44 If so, his
afaith and hope is vain, for none is
bacceptable before God, save the
cmeek and lowly in heart; and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and
dconfesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.
45 And
acharity suffereth long, and is
bkind, and
cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily
dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
47 But
acharity is the pure
blove of Christ, and it endureth
cforever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren,
apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true
bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall
cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be
dpurified even as he is pure. Amen." (Moroni 7)
As I have pondered these things this morning, I know that my Heavenly Father is giving me answers to all of my "Why's". And though these very thoughts have come to me only just in this moment of writing, last night I was feeling ever so lost and alone and my faith was shaken. And as I continued to cry unto the Lord, and pleaded for Him to let me know He was aware of me...that He was there...I had a fleeting thought to grab my scriptures.
I sat on my bed, and opened my Book of Mormon. It opened to a place where a book mark was placed, and as I scanned the words on those pages, I didn't find anything that really struck me. I was doubting...Then I noticed a scripture I had written on the back of the book mark I was holding.
Doctrine and Covenants 58:3-6
"3 Ye cannot behold with your natural
aeyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the
bglory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much
atribulation come the
bblessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be
ccrowned with much
dglory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
5 Remember this, which I tell you before, that you may
alay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow.
6 Behold, verily I say unto you, for this cause I have sent you—that you might be obedient, and that your hearts might be
aprepared to
bbear ctestimony of the things which are to come;"
And as I read these words, a rush of warm tears streamed down my face, but they were different tears than the ones I cried out with earlier...because earlier I cried out feeling alone, and my tears were bitter, and after reading the words of God, I knew that I was not alone, and my tears were sweet.
Our faith may tremble, but the love of God is always there, and we can feel it, so long as we find but a trickle of hope...and though me might not have the spiritual strength to kneel...there is nothing that can keep us from praying...and God surely hears, and He will give succor to His children...
And so I go about this day, with a greater resolve...and re-peat the inspired words of a past beloved prophet:
"Great are our blessings. Tremendous is our responsibility. Let us get on our knees and plead with the Lord for direction. Then let us stand on our feet, square up our shoulders, and march forward without fear to enlarge among people everywhere the righteousness of the Lord."
I stand on my feet, and will do my best to square up my shoulders, and have no fear...
