Sometimes...it is okay to lie...

33 weeks.
34 lbs gained.

and...

Dr. C asks me, "Sooo...how do you feel about that?" with a deep, questioning gaze...

Hmmm...hold on a minute while I retreive another Reese's peanut butter cup from the freezer...

(*crinkle, crackle...riiiiip...crinkly-crinkle*)

Give me a moment....it's still a bit too frozen to bite yet...

little bit longer....
little bit longer....

Ah!

Now....um, let's see here...Any more questions?

That's what I thought.


And onto more very interesting things that have to do with 33 weeks and 34 lbs:

Walking. I can no longer do it. Waddling? Yes. And might I add that I waddle like a gimp....a very slow gimp. Everyone understand?

Okay then...next on the list:

It has come to my understanding that we have a hobbit in the family.
Who? Click HERE! and scroll down to the last picture.

I like hobbits. I have teased Russ for years now about his hobbit-looking feet, which I don't really like. Well, hobbit-itis is spreading. 33 weeks and 34 lbs has changed my feet too, minus the extra hair. My feet now need some mud flaps that read, "Wide load". Christmas wish-list now includes: shoes...double wide width, please.

Hmm, what else? Oh, yes...

Back to the dad-gum 34lbs gained. How? I really don't know. Let me just entertain you for a minute with a few bits of information.

Cravings have been mostly nutritional. For example: Greek yogurt with granola, celery, apples, & bananas with peanut butter, carrots dipped in ranch, Kashi whole grain crackers with cheddar cheese, whole grain toast topped with steaming hot oatmeal, strawberries, grapes, watermelon, tomatoes fresh from the garden sprinkled with salt and pepper...and at least 64 fl. oz. of water a day...yeah....I can drink almost a whole liter just at bedtime...easy-peasy.

I have indulged too, on the occasional rootbeer float, snickers ice cream bar, licorice, Oreos dipped in milk, chocolate zucchini cake....but honestly....no more than your average person.

And might I add that we hardly EVER eat out! Maybe once a month, sometimes twice, often not at all!

It doesn't quite add up. Though, I am referred to as a jersey cow when I nurse my babies. Straight cream. So....34 lbs gained...it is greatly needed....and gets used up fast!

Until then, I will keep waddling and enduring all the gawking stares from WalMart shoppers and the always occasional comments like,

"WOW! You look like you're about to POP!"

"Congrats! I looked like that 5 months ago and I am SO GLAD I don't look like that anymore!" (keep in mind this woman was smoking a cigarette and was missing her two front teeth...and possibly more.)

Patting my hand with a look of pity, "How are you feeling dear?" Fine, thanks. "Now tell me, how much longer?" Oh, 7 weeks still. "Oh my! I thought you were due this month! Hang on, we'll hope for 4 or 5 weeks!"

"Oh, I saw you come into church earlier and thought, 'Oh the poor thing!'"


So, I am beginning to think that it would just be better to start telling lies.
An example: "Oh, when is your baby due?" and instead of giving the real answer and then watching the curious look go from inquiring to horrified, lie and say, "Oh just a few more weeks."

Then hope I don't run into them for two more months...

(input big sigh)

I think I will waddle downstairs now and get myself another Reese's peanut butter cup.
Shhhhhhhhh! Don't tell Dr. C! Afterall, we did establish that sometimes it is okay to lie...

Right?